It's been said that we tend to hurt the ones we love. I'm not sure why that is.
Is it due to the fact that we feel save and free to express ourselves around them? Who knows, but it tends to happen even if we don't mean it to. I have found myself in that web many times.
I try so hard to be positive about life and love, but it seems that little miss negativity gets the best of me. There are many times that I am extremely hard on myself and won't let others in. I'm scared of the getting hurt. Who better to cause me pain than me. I am my own worst enemy. Though, I wish I could be my best friend.
I used to always say that Love is a four-letter word. People throw it around like it has no meaning. While others never say it out of fear. Why is it that love is the one thing that we treasure and desire constantly? Love and acceptance?
Sometimes, I wonder why I think, feel, act the way I do. I don't really know much of my family. My parents have never been big on telling me things about their parents or siblings. Just here recently, my mom told me that I remind her of her mother. What good that does me when she past when I was a little thing? Where do I truly belong?
It seems like tonight I am just full of questions and not too many answers. I am therefore I love. I love therefore I cause others pain. I am so unsure of the reason. That is what bothers me.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Not really sure...
This weekend I came to a hard conclusion about myself that really seemed to upset me. I really don't have any friends with whom I can hang out with. My husband and I were talking about how I'd like to go out and relieve some stress, but I countered with the fact that I really don't have anyone to do anything with.
I feel that every time something in my life changed, I had to make a new friend. We moved around a lot when I was a kid, so I focused on moving on. I seem to be an outgoing person. I managed to make tons of friends my one semester of college and when I went down to Texas for my summer of Teen Mania camps. (I only managed to stay in touch with a select few, though.) I don't have a core group that I do things with.
I have focused my time, energy, and life to being a good wife and mother to our kids. The only time that I converse with other adults is on facebook.
What has been a struggle for me, is that fact that I have tried to work really hard on my relationships. Sometimes I feel that I am the one doing all the work. I'm the one who seems to go the extra mile. I even try to help plan family things just so that I'm in the loop and not the last one to know.
I am not truly sure how to remedy this situation. It has been eating at me for a while.
I feel that every time something in my life changed, I had to make a new friend. We moved around a lot when I was a kid, so I focused on moving on. I seem to be an outgoing person. I managed to make tons of friends my one semester of college and when I went down to Texas for my summer of Teen Mania camps. (I only managed to stay in touch with a select few, though.) I don't have a core group that I do things with.
I have focused my time, energy, and life to being a good wife and mother to our kids. The only time that I converse with other adults is on facebook.
What has been a struggle for me, is that fact that I have tried to work really hard on my relationships. Sometimes I feel that I am the one doing all the work. I'm the one who seems to go the extra mile. I even try to help plan family things just so that I'm in the loop and not the last one to know.
I am not truly sure how to remedy this situation. It has been eating at me for a while.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Projects for my sanity
Being a SAHM gets a little frustrating at times. I feel that I never accomplish anything because all that I do, I have to redo the next day. So, I decided to do some projects.
Doing a not exact replica of the quilt my mom made me has not been an easy task to start. I have wanted to do this for the girl for a long time now. Needless to say, I put that on hold. I have a lot of other projects in my head, though. Quilts for the boys using baby blankets,since they don't use them anymore is one of them.
Just recently I have been invited to a friend's babyshower. She needs just about everything, so I decided to make her a crib quilt using some of my baby blankets before I make quilts for the boys.
Re-using items that we already have into new things has been my thing recently. I am going to make a reading tub for the kids using a long storage tub and some pieces of fabric I have laying around. The only thing I will have to purchase is some stuffing to go in between the fabric.
Crocheting is another craft I have up my sleeves. My mom has wanted to make all the grandkids their own crayon pillow like she made for us as kids. Well, Mom isn't able to accomplish this task, so I have told her that I will try. Oh, did I mention that she doesn't have the pattern anymore?
I have 10 to make, so if I make one a month then they will be done in time for Christmas. It is March and I am 3 behind already! I am in the process of making my first and trying to figure out the pattern from a pattern that is way too big and my pillow from childhood. We will see how that goes!
Doing a not exact replica of the quilt my mom made me has not been an easy task to start. I have wanted to do this for the girl for a long time now. Needless to say, I put that on hold. I have a lot of other projects in my head, though. Quilts for the boys using baby blankets,since they don't use them anymore is one of them.
Just recently I have been invited to a friend's babyshower. She needs just about everything, so I decided to make her a crib quilt using some of my baby blankets before I make quilts for the boys.
Re-using items that we already have into new things has been my thing recently. I am going to make a reading tub for the kids using a long storage tub and some pieces of fabric I have laying around. The only thing I will have to purchase is some stuffing to go in between the fabric.
Crocheting is another craft I have up my sleeves. My mom has wanted to make all the grandkids their own crayon pillow like she made for us as kids. Well, Mom isn't able to accomplish this task, so I have told her that I will try. Oh, did I mention that she doesn't have the pattern anymore?
I have 10 to make, so if I make one a month then they will be done in time for Christmas. It is March and I am 3 behind already! I am in the process of making my first and trying to figure out the pattern from a pattern that is way too big and my pillow from childhood. We will see how that goes!
Monday, January 17, 2011
I am out there
So, I decided that It would be a great idea to get my thoughts and feelings out of my head. This is mainly to help me. Although, I am not opposed to others reading or sharing what I have written.
This may just be the outlet that I need for the time being. I am really trying to get back into writing and it was suggested by a great friend that I do this. So, here goes the neighborhood!
This may just be the outlet that I need for the time being. I am really trying to get back into writing and it was suggested by a great friend that I do this. So, here goes the neighborhood!
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